Surrender versus Giving Up

“When we’re living a life that is responding to vision, when we’re surrendering to the big idea of life in, as, and through us, we’re not listening for what’s probable, we’re listening for what’s possible.” – Lola Wright

When I started helping my husband with his landscaping business, I vacillated between being excited and wanting to give up entirely. The process stretched my faith muscle—faith in myself, this plan, and the universe. Along the way, I learned how to surrender to vulnerability and trust without giving up.

Once I got on board with Nathan’s vision for his business, I was eager to help and be part of making this next step in our lives a reality. Some of the challenges we’ve faced have been harder than I imagined. Accepting my vulnerabilities, asking for help, and releasing perfectionism has been required on this journey.

In the second episode of a series called Three Things I Learned While Digging In the Dirt, I’m bringing you what I learned through the practice of surrender. This week, hear about what guttural faith and trust feel like for me , how to stop feeding into our sense of limitation, and start appreciating the messy, beautiful, non-linear path in life.

• (01:18) – Trust and faith
• (09:06) – Vulnerability of vision
• (16:38) – Consider the possible

Do you want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself, and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created? We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle, a vibrant membership community rich in opportunities for engagement and transformation. Find out more at lolawright.com/our-circle.

You can follow Lola Wright, on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter and learn more about my work at lolawright.com.

Chicago born and built, Lola grew up in wealth and privilege, yet always sensed something was missing. She sought out aliveness and freedom in music, immersing herself in the hip hop and house music scenes of 90s Chicago. After finding herself on her own at 23, as the mother of two young children, she became determined to create a new experience.

Lola is an ordained minister with a gift for weaving together the mystical and material, she served for many years as the CEO of Bodhi Center, an organization committed to personal transformation, collective awakening, conscious activism, and community-building. 

This podcast is produced by Quinn Rose with theme music by independent producer Trey Royal.

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Lola Wright (00:01): Something is stirring. Maybe you’ve felt it. We are reckoning with the reality of injustice and binary thinking that feeds the political machine. Humanity is in the midst of a heartbreaking and painful paradigm shift. That is a good thing. My name is Lola Wright, and this is Find Your Fierce & Loving. This podcast is intended to help you disrupt, untangle and free your mind of personal and collective agreements, patterns and beliefs that are holding you back and weighing you down. We desperately need your fierce and loving purpose now more than ever. 

Lola Wright (00:54): This is a three-part series inspired by the twists and turns that I’ve recently found myself in. I’ve titled this series Three Things I’ve Recently Learned While Digging In the Dirt. This second episode in the series is titled Surrender versus Giving Up.

Lola Wright (01:18): In the process of responding to this vision that’s been stirring in Nathan and me, this vision for a physical space in Chicago, a space that is oriented around gathering, that really celebrates art and music, culture and creativity, imagination, expansion and growth.

Lola Wright (01:43): As we’ve responded to this vision, I have noticed a few tendencies that I’ve had. You know, I have vacillated during the unfoldment of this vision, from throwing in the towel to being wildly excited. I have vacillated between thinking, “I am completely out of my mind. This is absurd. This is impossible. Why do I always have to have such big vision and dreams? Why do I have to make life so complicated?”

Lola Wright (02:15): And, when I have realized that responding to vision is really about surrender as being distinct from giving up, something shifted. You know, when you and I step into a big idea of life as us, when we start to move more and more onto the skinny branches of life, when it begins to feel like, “Oh, I’m on my growth edge. I’m beyond my comfort zone.”

Lola Wright (02:47): As I stretch into this dream, into this vision, as I respond to the nudge of the universe that is in me, it can be destabilizing. You’re going beyond the status quo. You are leaving inertia. Remember, you’ve heard me say, many times, “Set fire to the box you’ve been living in and watch it burn.” When you respond to a vision, that is precisely what you’re doing.

Lola Wright (03:20): Remember, this idea of vision is not your linear mind. It is not your logical mind, and I don’t say that because there’s anything wrong with your linear mind or your logical mind. It serves us in an infinite number of ways. Your capacity to analyze risk, your capacity to assess a situation, is highly valuable.

Lola Wright (03:42): It’s just that we have become over-identified with it. We have lost the mystery and the magic of existence. This internal nudge, your intuitive center… We have become deeply disconnected from it. And so, as a result, we second guess ourselves, very often.

Lola Wright (04:04): I will just say, for me, that even as someone who has devoted my life to responding to vision, living in the moment with a curiosity and sort of an emergent relationship to reality. Even though that is a devotional practice of mine, I can still find myself throwing in the towel.

Lola Wright (04:28): During this process of acquiring this property, it has really stretched my faith muscle. So, what is the distinction between surrender and giving up? Where do you find yourself on that spectrum of experience? Surrender is a really deep spiritual practice. It means resting in something greater than your finite capacity.

Lola Wright (05:00): Surrender involves letting go of control. Surrender involves trust and faith. It’s like we don’t even know what the word faith means separate from religion. I don’t identify as a religious person, but I do identify as deeply faithful. You might say, “Faithful in what?” I would say, “Faithful in this orderly universe.”

Lola Wright (05:32): It is not an accident or a coincidence that Nathan was pursued to engage with this client list. It is not an accident or a coincidence that Nathan was approached by this estate to be the steward of this property and of this former business owners’ legacy.

Lola Wright (06:00): So, if in fact we are to lean into faith, if in fact, we are to lean in and trust this universe, this orderly existence… See, where we can oftentimes get tripped up is when we experience pain or discomfort or suffering. We can say to ourselves, “How could you suggest that this is an orderly universe? You have no idea what’s happened to me in my life.”

Lola Wright (06:26): I would say that’s true. I don’t know what has happened to you, in your life. But, I do know what’s happened to me in my life. It has not always been easy. It has been filled with drama and heartbreak and things that I would never want to have happen to another human being. And still, I have arrived at a very deep and profound understanding of the nonlinear nature of life, this impulse of existence.

Lola Wright (06:58): That, for me, is the deep practice of surrender. Now, oftentimes we will cloak our fear and our doubt with our own ambivalence or resignation. We will oftentimes give up on our hopes and our dreams, on our deep knowing because our conviction has gotten wobbly and weak. We have disconnected from ourselves and oftentimes will outsource our sense of knowing to people around us.

Lola Wright (07:34): I have very, very good friends and confidants that I rely on to give me sage wisdom and advice and feedback. But, at the end of the day, I have a responsibility to listen to the internal knowledge within me as do you. As Nathan and I have become increasingly clear on the vision of and for this physical space that we are in the process of pursuing, it has really required deep, deep surrender.

Lola Wright (08:05): Not giving up from a kind of apathy, you know? Not feeding into our sense of limitation or our false idea of what’s not possible but actually surrender versus giving up. We could flip that completely and say, “Give up control.” If you are responding to a vision, you have to give up control and surrender to something greater than your limited consciousness.

Lola Wright (08:42): So for me, that means every day, I show up to this physical space, which we’re renting until we close. I show up to this physical space really, I mean, it almost is cliche at this point, but saying like, “Thy will be done. Something else must do this with me and for me because I can’t do this vision on my own.”

Lola Wright (09:06): You know, one of my early teachers said to me, “If your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s likely not big enough.” If your dream doesn’t scare you, if your vision doesn’t have you on your growth edge, out on those skinny branches, it means you already know you can do it. You already know you can fulfill on it. It doesn’t require surrender. In which case, I would say it’s probably not a vision.

Lola Wright (09:32): Might be a great idea, might be something you want to pursue, but it’s not a vision. Vision involves surrender. It involves giving up control, giving yourself over to something greater than your finite and limited sense of self.

Lola Wright (09:49): I show up to Nathan’s business with very limited experience. It is incredibly uncomfortable to be before clients that are hiring us as experts with expertise and to know myself as someone who is an expert, that has expertise, just not in the landscape design business.

Lola Wright (10:16): It is really an opportunity to be naked in front of people that I don’t know, that I’m needing and wanting to help and support. I can’t do this one on my own. You know, there’s a talk that I gave at the very, very end of my time at Bodhi, and I indicated that I was wrapping my work up because I really had maxed out what I could do in that space based on sort of my control plan, my game, my shtick.

Lola Wright (11:04): This phase of my life, this experience of taking on a new property inside of a new industry, re-imagining the way my work comes alive in the world and yet, being invigorated by the possibility of having physical space that I can invite people into and support them in expanding their container for good and growth and aliveness and learning and creativity and imagination while learning a new industry. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary.

Lola Wright (11:37): I have to give up looking good. I have to give up knowing everything. I have been showing up to this property with a beginner’s mind, over and over and over again. You know, oftentimes, when we find ourselves in a particular season of life, where we’ve developed great mastery, we have a craft that’s very well-developed, we can lose that beginner’s mind.

Lola Wright (12:08): We can lose that wonder. We can lose the butterflies in our stomach. You know, if your life is so manageable that it doesn’t require surrender, it just might not be that big. It may be why you’re bored. It may be why you’re searching for ways to get a hit of aliveness. Stretching is involved to take us beyond what we know. I think that’s what I’m being called to do right now is, number one, trust the nonlinear nature of reality.

Lola Wright (12:53): If you would have told me a year ago that we would have access to our own physical space that we could extend to people that we love, that are like-minded, for gathering and community and practice and reflection and meditation and curiosity, and it would be amidst beautiful plant life, I would say, “No way. That sounds like the Garfield Park Conservatory. I love that place. I visit it, but I’m not going to have it.”

Lola Wright (13:27): I could not have conceived of the vision that is moving through us right now, but I trust very deeply in the mystical nature of life. I said to Nathan recently, I said, “If I believed that life was linear, I would say that we’re failing.” He was like, “What?” A little disturbed by that.

Lola Wright (13:52): I’m like, “No, no, no. Listen, listen. If I believed that life was linear, I would think that we are failing because our lives have not looked like this neat and tidy, one foot in front of the other. It really does look like two steps or one step back. Two steps to the right, one step to the left.”

Lola Wright (14:13): I mean, life is so curious. The only way I know to do this thing is through surrender and that is very different than giving up. I wonder if there is a vision that has come through you, that because you couldn’t figure out how to do it on your own, you gave up on it. But, that’s the thing. Visions can’t be done on our own. They require resting, trusting in something greater.

Lola Wright (14:50): They require asking for support. The number of people that we have engaged in pursuing this property, thought partners, financial advisors, family members and friends that have gone through something like this before, and it really has been miracle upon miracle.

Lola Wright (15:11): When you and I say yes to the vision of life that is stirring in us, a way is made out of no way. But, we are only available to that way through surrender. When we give up, we have given up, and we have given in to our doubt. If there’s anything you’re going to give up, it is doubt. Don’t give up on your dreams, on your visions. Don’t give up because something feels too hard. Get curious and listen for, “How could this be possible?”

Lola Wright (15:54): You want to be more alive. You want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself, and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created. We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle. This is an affirming and radical space that will gather weekly, on-demand or live, whatever works best for your life. For more information on how you can engage in Our Circle, visit lolawright.com/our-circle. I’d love to have you with us.

Lola Wright (16:39): Many years ago, Michael Beckwith shared a story about a turning point in his leadership at the Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, California. They needed a new physical space. They had lost their previous physical space. They had partnered with a contractor, and he was working on this new property. They were optimistic that it was all going to come together.

Lola Wright (17:07): Then, it came in, significantly over budget, and it didn’t look like the property was going to be completed in the ways that they needed it to be, and it didn’t look like it may be completed at all. So, there he sat in a board meeting one day. He wouldn’t let anybody leave the room until they’d be willing to consider that it was possible that they could find a way for this property to be made manifest for their community.

Lola Wright (17:37): Not that it was probable. We’re always thinking about probability. Give up your probability. Don’t give up on your dreams. Give up what you think is probable. Your mind, your thinking mind, your limited sense of reality, your finite thinking is the one that says what’s probable.

Lola Wright (18:00): When we’re living a life that is responding to vision, when we’re surrendering to the big idea of life in, as and through us, we’re not listening for what’s probable, we’re listening for what’s possible. You know, you’ve probably heard scriptural references to this. Probably the most famous being, “Be ye like little children.” What do little children have the capacity to do? Imagine, wonder, create, play.

Lola Wright (18:34): They don’t have the same limitations that we develop as adults that become calloused and resigned, cynical and apathetic. You and I have had our hearts broken. I know I’ve had my heart broken, and I know you’ve had your heart broken. You’ve had dreams and visions. I have had dreams and visions.

Lola Wright (18:58): I had a vision for Bodhi Center in Chicago that went 40 years out. It always involved a physical space. That physical space had indoor space and outdoor space. It enabled people to work on the land, to learn through nature. I saw art from my friend Slang there. I saw art from my friend Matthew Hoffman there.

Lola Wright (19:24): It wasn’t just a space that we rented, and we’re there at the mercy of a landlord. It was something that was made available for the community, by the community. That didn’t happen during my time at Bodhi. That vision never came to form. That was heartbreaking for me. It was so clear in my body and in my being.

Lola Wright (19:51): And yet, here I am, a year-and-a-half after my departure from Bodhi, and the very place that I imagined and envisioned and felt drawn toward and led toward, has manifested and revealed itself in ways I never could have imagined, in the most perfect location, with the most perfect architecture, with the most perfect allocation of indoor and outdoor space, requiring a ton of work.

Lola Wright (20:22): But, even when you and I surrender to a vision for our lives, that doesn’t mean that it’s just rainbows and unicorns. It doesn’t mean that it’s always smooth sailing. We develop our spiritual muscle, our conviction, our sense of stamina and fortitude and strength in the movement of the unknown, through the unknown.

Lola Wright (20:53): So, I just invite you to join me in the practice of surrender. Give up giving up. How about that? Give up giving up. Give up your limited sense of self. Give up your false and limiting beliefs. Give up the opinions of others that do not support your evolution, awakening, growth, and expansion.

Lola Wright (21:19): Surrender into a life of joy and aliveness, one that is inspired and calling you to be a contribution. You know, I always say, it is not an accident or coincidence that you have found yourself on the planet at this time in the evolution of humanity. There is a vision that has been placed on your life. It is your responsibility.

Lola Wright (21:45): It is my responsibility to listen for and from that vision and to surrender to this dynamic, organized, and mysterious universe. You will never be forgotten or forsaken. That’s not the nature of reality. This is not a universe of trickery. It is not a universe that teases you and then withholds from you.

Lola Wright (22:22): That is some kind of adolescent, dualistic construct of reality, some kind of Santa Claus version of existence. That’s not what you’re living in. You are a co-creator. You are a co-creator in this life. It is your responsibility and my responsibility to listen for and from the vision that is using us, to surrender and to not give up so easily.

Lola Wright (22:56): If you enjoyed this show and would like to receive new episodes as they’re published, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and consider leaving a review in Apple Podcasts. Your review helps others find this show. You can follow me at Lola P. Wright on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, and learn more about my work at lolawright.com. This episode was produced by Quinn Rose with theme music from independent music producer, Trey Royal.  You know, if your life is so manageable that it doesn’t require surrender, it just might not be that big.