All Of You Is Needed: Welcoming The Unenlightened Self

Transformation is not tidy.

It asks something raw of you—something your image, your intellect, and your ego might resist.

We live in a culture that rewards polish and performance. We curate our feeds, control our tone, and manage perceptions. Somewhere along the way, we confuse self-awareness with self-editing.

But if you want to create real change—in your leadership, your relationships, your health, or your business—you must be willing to bring all of you to the table.

Not just the competent, composed parts. But the fearful, defensive, messy, and misunderstood ones too.

Because all of you is needed.

The Myth of the Polished Self

Most of us were taught early on that certain parts of who we are are unacceptable. Maybe we were told to quiet down, toughen up, or stop being “too much.” Over time, we learned to manage our image—to lead with our strengths and hide our shadows.

But here’s the truth: you cannot transform what you refuse to acknowledge and further more, accept.

In the world of pop spirituality, there’s a dangerous seduction toward light and love without depth and honesty. We call it “doing the work,” but often it’s performative rather than an act of true seeing.

When you avoid the underbelly, you prevent real freedom.

Real transformation begins the moment you stop pretending. It begins when you can say, “This is the part of me I’d rather no one see.”

Meeting the Underbelly

I always invite people to bring their unenlightened self to the table—the part that still gets triggered, avoids risk, or contracts under pressure.

Recently, after an event at Nuluum, I received two noise complaints. Instantly, my body tightened. That old fear—I’m in trouble—came rushing back.

It was humbling to notice how alive that part of me still is. The little one who fears punishment. The part that sometimes keeps me from taking bigger risks.

That moment wasn’t about sound levels or city codes. It was a mirror. A reminder that growth doesn’t mean those old patterns disappear—it means we learn to recognize them, breathe with them, and make new choices.

When I could meet that part of myself with curiosity rather than shame, something softened. I could say, “You’re not in trouble. You just got feedback.”

And in that space, transformation became possible.

Why Honesty Is the Gateway to Freedom

Honesty is not confession. It is clarity.

When you bring the hidden parts of yourself into the light, you reclaim the power that was trapped in denial. The same truth applies across every domain—business, relationships, money. Wherever you are unwilling to see clearly, you are giving your power away.

I have worked with founders who dream of selling their companies for millions yet remain disconnected from the financial reality of getting there. High achievers who stay in relationships that are long past alive. Leaders who spiral in shame about money instead of facing the numbers.

Different stories, same root: something is hiding in the closet.

And anything that lives in the closet runs the show.

Transformation requires sobriety. The courage to see what is real—not to judge it, but to engage it. Only then can you shift, evolve, or integrate what has been asking for your attention all along.

Practicing Radical Inclusion (of Self)

So how do you begin this practice? Start with these questions:

• What is the thing I do not want you to know about me?
• What part of me am I hiding, managing, or denying?
• What might happen if I stopped trying to fix or hide it—and instead got curious about it?

When you bring the unconscious into the light, you access new dimensions of creativity, compassion, and courage. You stop fighting yourself and start partnering with your own humanity.

Here is what there is to know:

You make sense the way you are.
You became who you are for good reason.
Now you get to choose what stays, what softens, and what transforms. And that process takes work.

The Invitation

All of you is needed.

The disciplined, visionary parts—and the tender, uncertain ones too.
The parts that lead with strength—and the parts that still fear getting it wrong.
The parts that love boldy—and the parts that pull away when things get real.

When you welcome what you once rejected, you return to wholeness.
And from wholeness, you can create everything you truly desire.

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