Human beings are often walking on the planet in a state of reactivity, as if there is a puppeteer pulling the strings on this thing called life, while the truth is we have the agency and capacity to influence the world around us.
The best way to do this is to develop a strong sense of self and get really clear on what makes you tick, deeply trust your intuitive guidance, and move through feedback and communication in a way that produces meaningful results.
Despite their success, many high performing leaders are frequently reactive and struggle to give and receive feedback in an effective way, limiting what they and their teams can accomplish. Here are two of the most common pitfalls I see around feedback.
Mistake #1: Being open to feedback from people who are not doing their own work.
The gift of feedback is that we don’t always see ourselves clearly. There is a perspective that a trusted group of human beings have about you that you simply can’t see about yourself. You want feedback from people you trust.
That being said, not all feedback is created equally. It is your responsibility to be discerning around what feedback is useful and valuable for you.
I’m open to feedback from someone engaged in their own self awareness, transformation, and growth work, or someone with significant subject matter expertise. I’m highly discerning about where feedback is coming from. Remember, not all feedback is created equally.
Consider the source before taking any feedback to heart.
Mistake #2: Reacting to feeling triggered and not giving intentional feedback.
Feedback is a discipline, it is a practice.
When feedback is given from reactivity, it is often not as valuable as it is when it comes from a sense of stillness or clarity. Reactivity to something that triggers or provokes you, where you have almost no control, is different from intentional, clear, productive, and meaningful feedback. When I give or receive feedback that is productive I don’t experience the kind of hangover that reactivity creates. Feedback done well creates a sense of space, aliveness, energy, and forward mobility that just doesn’t happen with the alternative.
If you are not in a dedicated practice of your own self awareness and are leading from reactivity, consider questioning your responses (this is also where a trusted group comes in handy, invite people to get honest with you).
When leaders become skilled at giving intentional feedback in the moment versus reacting, their team becomes hungry for their point of view rather than resistant or concerned about criticism. When you develop a team that wants feedback, you can take on new challenges and goals that go beyond the basic operations of your work.
When you live in a state of reactivity you have forgotten or lost sight of your influence and impact. Reactivity makes you susceptible to blame and criticism and unable to create feedback friendly teams. When you are discerning about the feedback you receive and intentional about the feedback you share, you increase your influence and what you can accomplish.
Want help learning how to give and receive feedback well and get your team doing the same? Explore Transformational Leadership Coaching opportunities with me.
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