You Are The Authority On You

“There’s a desire that lives in you. There are an infinite number of ways that you can bring that desire to form, and it is your responsibility, it is my responsibility, to pay attention to how I uniquely want to bring that forward.” – Lola Wright

The people around us can give us so many gifts with their advice. We need the input of our communities and the voices of experts to make the best decisions. However, there comes a point when we must recognize our expertise on our own lives.

When I was doing consultations for my book, I got a piece of advice that brushed against the ideas I had for this community. I had to tune into the intelligence of my own body and instincts to determine whether that expert opinion was really right for me and for my specific experiences.

This week, I invite you to examine the input that you are getting from the people around you. Is their advice serving you and your purpose? Can you identify what is useful for you and what isn’t? You are the only expert on your own life.

• (00:40) – Expert advice
• (10:30) – Bringing forth your desires
• (14:40) – Alignment

Do you want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself, and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created? We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle, a vibrant membership community rich in opportunities for engagement and transformation. Find out more at lolawright.com/our-circle.

You can follow Lola Wright, on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter and learn more about my work at lolawright.com.

Chicago born and built, Lola grew up in wealth and privilege, yet always sensed something was missing. She sought out aliveness and freedom in music, immersing herself in the hip hop and house music scenes of 90s Chicago. After finding herself on her own at 23, as the mother of two young children, she became determined to create a new experience.

Lola is an ordained minister with a gift for weaving together the mystical and material, she served for many years as the CEO of Bodhi Center, an organization committed to personal transformation, collective awakening, conscious activism, and community-building. 

This podcast is produced by Quinn Rose with theme music by independent producer Trey Royal.

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Lola Wright (00:01): Personal transformation and collective awakening involve being the most alive, brilliant, inspired, creative, on fire version of yourself. A version that is not consistent with the status quo. My name is Lola Wright, and this is Find Your Fierce & Loving. This podcast is a wake up call, a roadmap back to your holy purpose, an invitation to set fire to the box you’ve been living in and watch it burn.

Lola Wright (00:40): So, I’d love to just keep it really real with you today and perhaps bring you into my world a little bit. Many of you know, I intended on writing a book a few years ago. I’ve always wanted my work to be an affirmative contribution. I think we are inundated with drama-based media, and my desire, and my intention is to always have that which I offer humanity be a net positive. I oftentimes say that when I lay this body down, I would love for someone to be able to audit my social media feeds, audit my email and feel lifted by the experience. I want to know that what I have contributed has really been in service of humanity.

Lola Wright (01:38): Really what I give my life to is supporting human beings in disrupting the suffering loop. You and I are not here to suffer. We’re not here to feel a sense of repression, suppression, oppression from life. Life really is intended to be a joyous expression, and good is always available, no matter the circumstances, no matter the conditions. There is always an opportunity for learning and growth. The basis of my work rests on the supposition that everything in life is for you. And, that’s not only true on the level of the individual but also true at the level of the collective.

Lola Wright (02:28): So, even the great heartbreaks and tragedies have to be in service of our learning, our growth, our evolution. I don’t believe that anything happens such that you and I are forgotten or forsaken. I fundamentally believe in an orderly universe. I fundamentally believe that there is a sort of benevolent quality to life and that it is in the human condition when we buck up against ease, joy, harmony, we create suffering. Now, that doesn’t mean that there may not be pain along the way, but I always say pain is inevitable and suffering is optional.

Lola Wright (03:13): This was really the premise of my book. It is the premise of my book. It’s the offering that I want to contribute to the world. A reminder that as you find your fierce and loving self, your fierce and loving purpose, your fierce and loving voice, your fierce and loving expression, that the world is invited into a greater experience of joy and aliveness that it is essential. So, I recently have hired a number of experts to help me in this process and perhaps very naively. And, I recently was provided the feedback that basically the intimate audience that I have, which is measured in a number of ways. So, I have 6,700 people on my email list. I have 6,400 people that engage with me on Instagram. I have a thousand people that listen to my podcast regularly.

Lola Wright (04:16): The advice I received was, we need to bury all evidence of that. It will never get you the opportunity and the book deal that you want. And, I sat with that feedback and something about it just didn’t feel right in my body. This person is an expert. They are an expert in an industry. But, what I’ve come to understand is that I don’t have a desire to be an online marketer, and I don’t value volume or quantity over intimacy and quality. I really, really enjoy the community that I’ve created, and I’m not willing to bury it. That’s what I was told, we have to bury it. It’s a liability in your future success. And, I thought that was really odd. Now, this might be completely foreign and unfamiliar to you. How could your podcast of a thousand listeners be a liability? How could your email list of 6,500 people or 6,700 people be a liability?

Lola Wright (05:34): In the world of mass appeal, in the world of big publishing, that is like a teeny drop in the bucket. What I was told is that unless this podcast is tracking at 75,000 downloaded episodes at a pop, then it is hurting me. Now, here’s the thing. You likely know that there are always people that have an opinion about your life and how you should be doing it. And then, we each have a responsibility to check in and say, “Do I align with that perspective? Thank you for the feedback. Thank you for the expertise. Thank you for the advice.” But, what I got clear on the process was that volume is not the most important thing to me. Quality is important. Transformation is important. Contribution is important and sure, would it be fun to have that impact many people? Yes, but I have an unwillingness to invalidate what I have. I think this is an incredibly important metaphor for our lives.

Lola Wright (06:50): This attachment and addiction to more, more, more, more, how does that show up in your life? Where can you look at the circumstances and conditions that you find yourself in and get focused on what’s not enough? That is a loop of suffering. What was really, really a gift for me in hearing this expert’s feedback was, it provided dissonance in me. It provided sort of a discomfort in me. And, when we hold the context for discomfort as a problem or that something’s off or wrong or bad, then we really do feel like it’s happening to us. But, the more that I practice that really everything is happening for me, that this is in fact a gift, it invokes curiosity. It has me wonder like, “Hmm, I’m noticing I’m having an experience in my physical body. I have a pit in my stomach when I hear this thing. When I’m in the company of this person, I don’t feel great.”

Lola Wright (08:03): I’m asking you to tune in to the wisdom and the intelligence of your body. Remember, all of the work that I invite you into is inside of whole body awareness or whole body intelligence. Oftentimes, we are paying attention to our thinking capacity, and we will override or stuff the wisdom of our emotions and the wisdom of our body sensations. Because this woman is an expert, doesn’t mean she’s an expert on me. She was doing exactly what I hired her to do, giving me expert advice. And then, I ultimately have to pay attention to what I value most, and is this in alignment with what I value?

Lola Wright (09:00): It was heartbreaking. It was uncomfortable. I had to have some difficult conversations to cancel agreements and reorient myself around how this book is going to come forward. But, life is not linear. Your path, your process, to who and what you are here to be and do, the contribution that you are here to make, is not A plus B equals C. It’s twisting and winding and peaks and valleys. Our responsibility as curious humans, as those that are committed to living a fierce and loving existence, is as I often say, loose knees and move your hips.

Lola Wright (09:47): You want to be more alive. You want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself, and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created. We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle. This is an affirming and radical space that will gather weekly, on-demand or live, whatever works best for your life. For more information on how you can engage in Our Circle, visit lolawright.com/our-circle. I’d love to have you with us. 

Lola Wright (10:30): I imagine that there’s a goal or an intention, a desire that lives in you. There are an infinite number of ways that you can bring that desire to form, and it is your responsibility, it is my responsibility, to pay attention to how I uniquely want to bring that forward. I watch this in my husband’s business all the time. There are lots of landscape architects in the city of Chicago. There are lots of landscape designers in the city of Chicago. There isn’t a right way to do landscape design. There isn’t a right way to experience a garden. There is a fit between who may be a right client for Nathan and who may be a right client for another. And, that’s all we’re ever wanting to pay attention to. So, I just say to you, I thank you for being a listener of this podcast. I got really clear that if I ever have 75,000 downloads per episode, so be it. But, that is not the measuring stick of success for me.

Lola Wright (11:51): I love the intimate community that I experience in this space, that I experience in Our Circle. Do I have a desire to grow it and evolve it and expand it? Yes. But sometimes we will see bigger as more valuable than what we have right here and right now. I bet you could probably see that pattern even show up in your relationship to money. So long as where we are is not enough, we will perpetuate suffering. So, I just have tons of gratitude for the people who engage with me here. I love getting your emails of what you appreciate from this podcast. And, I’d love to know more. What is it that is stirring in you that’s needing and wanting support? Who are you here to be?

Lola Wright (12:51): You know I recently sent out gifts to my Our Circle community members, and I wrote a handwritten card to each person. And in that card, I said in many of them, “Our Circle is a fierce and loving community that is here to radically support you in your desires.” So, what is it that you’re here to contribute on the planet? Get the feedback from the world around you. Seek out expert opinions and advice but don’t ever sell out what you value most just to meet a metric or check a box. No one knows how to do your life like you know how to do your life. By virtue of you being in this digital space with me, we know that you’re committed to learning and growth. You wouldn’t be vibrating with this conversation if you weren’t. So, I trust that you are someone who values feedback. I trust that you are someone who values learning. I trust that you are someone who values growth, but the ultimate authority on yourself and your life is you.

Lola Wright (14:13): It’s not your mother. It’s not your father. It’s not your coworker or your business partner. It’s not your romantic partner. All of those people may be able to point you in particular directions, but if you don’t listen to the wisdom of your body, your feelings, and your mind, you will be bouncing around this planet like a pinball. All right. So, I’m going to come up with a little exercise to have us tune in to how you know when something is in alignment and when something is out of alignment. When you’re feeling irritable and agitated, ask yourself, “What is out of integrity in my life? What is off? What have I not said? What am I withholding? What am I stuffing or suppressing?”

Lola Wright (15:14): Oftentimes when you just begin to speak your truth in a way that is fierce and is loving, you’ll begin to feel a sense of freedom. When our security and our safety is organized around the approval of others, we are constantly seeking affirmation. But, the more I can affirm myself, the less I require it from others. At this point in my practice, I have a few intimate relationships that I may go to and ask for feedback from. And, at different points in my life depending on what I’m navigating, I’m going to go to different people. And, I have learned to oftentimes say, “Hey, I would like your feedback, and I reserve the right to not take it or apply it. But, I do value you, and I want to know what you have to say on this topic.”

Lola Wright (16:25): At the end of the day, I’m the authority on my life. You’re the authority on your life. You get to say what’s right and best for you. I get to say what’s right and best for me. Most drama in human relationships comes from when we violate our native truth, our authentic expression when we override our desires and just go along to get along. I could have followed the guidance of this expert. I could have chosen to say, squash this aspect of my business strategy. But, that would have meant reorganizing in a number of relationships with people I’m working with professionally that I value. And, the strategy for growth and bigger as better didn’t align with me. It wasn’t what was most true.

Lola Wright (17:19): So, I am still writing my book. It will still come out, and I refuse to believe that I have to have 100,000 followers on Instagram or 75,000 downloaded episodes a week on my podcast. As my friend Reg often reminds me, many of these mass media platforms are designed to have you believe that unless bigger is happening, unless growth is present, you’re not enough. And, it becomes this kind of addictive cycle with our media outlets. He and I were talking recently and just noticing the drama patterns in the human condition. He calls it gossip culture, sort of the comparison game, and the one-upping. Look for where that shows up in your life. Look for where that shows up in your workplace, in your family system, in your business. Bring your awareness back to you, back to what’s most important. See if you can settle the scared one that’s always seeking and searching for the answer or the solution in another. I mean, that is a long-time pattern of mine.

Lola Wright (18:49): Someone else may know something more than me, and I want that information. I love a good expert. I love expertise. I really do. It is so inspiring. And, no one is the expert on my business the way I am. No one is the expert on my life the way I am. That is true for you too. You do not need to diminish your authority to accommodate someone else’s opinion. You are the authority on your life, and that is enough.

Lola Wright (19:30): If you enjoyed this show and would like to receive new episodes as they’re published, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and consider leaving a review in Apple Podcasts. Your review helps others find this show. You can follow me at Lola P. Wright on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, and learn more about my work at lolawright.com. This episode was produced by Quinn Rose with theme music from independent music producer, Trey Royal. 

Lola Wright (20:15): Volume is not the most important thing to me. Quality is important. Transformation is important. Contribution is important.