Your Purpose Is Where You Are

“Your purpose is whatever it is that brings you alive. You get to design your life in a way that works for you.” – Lola Wright

You are not here by accident. There is a purpose that you are uniquely here to contribute. It is tempting to exhaust yourself through ‘finding your purpose’. On this episode of Find Your Fierce & Loving, I’m talking about purpose from a different perspective, not as something suddenly dropped in your lap like magic, but rather something you co-create by connecting with your full, alive self. Your purpose is necessary. Your purpose is your protest. 

What is it that brought you alive as a child? Buried in the dreams you left behind in the name of practicality are the clues, the breadcrumbs that will lead you out of the status quo and into the big idea of your life. It is time to untangle the toxic idea that your purpose is a job title and to find the things that light you up.

On this episode of Find Your Fierce & Loving, I talk about the importance of paying attention to your aliveness and knowing that purpose will look different for you than anyone else. Your purpose and unique contribution to this time in humanity are found in the spaces where you feel energized and passionate. It’s time to stop delaying your joy and start tapping into your creativity and imagination. 

If you have spent years suffering and exhausted by all the talk of ‘finding your purpose’, this episode is for you. Tune in and start to think about how you can create the life you desire.

• (00:38) – Create the reality you desire
• (09:33) – The importance of transition
• (12:55) – Calling for refinement
• (20:13) – Your purpose is not a job title
• (25:23) – Divine discontent
• (28:43) – Say yes to you

Do you want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself, and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created? We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle, a vibrant membership community rich in opportunities for engagement and transformation. Find out more at lolawright.com/our-circle.

You can follow Lola Wright, on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter and learn more about my work at lolawright.com.

Chicago born and built, Lola grew up in wealth and privilege, yet always sensed something was missing. She sought out aliveness and freedom in music, immersing herself in the hip hop and house music scenes of 90s Chicago. After finding herself on her own at 23, as the mother of two young children, she became determined to create a new experience.

Lola is an ordained minister with a gift for weaving together the mystical and material, she served for many years as the CEO of Bodhi Center, an organization committed to personal transformation, collective awakening, conscious activism, and community-building. 

Theme music by independent producer Trey Royal.

If you’d like to receive new episodes as they’re published, please subscribe to Find Your Fierce & Loving in Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving a review in Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help others find the show. 

Podcast episode production by Dante32.

[00:00:01] At a time when protests are sweeping the nation, here’s what I know. Your purpose is your protest. It is the most radical thing you can bring to the world. My name is Lola Wright and this is Find Your Fierce & Loving. This podcast is a wake up call, a road map back to your holy purpose, an invitation to set fire to the box you’ve been living in and watch it burn. 

[00:00:28] I want to talk a little bit about this thing called purpose. Oh, my gosh. I spent so many years suffering around this thing. I mean, I basically spent for sure a good decade feeling like everybody else had figured out their purpose, and I was just sort of circling the drain for eternity, never to know what I was here to be and do. And so I just want you to know that if you’re like, oh, my gosh, even the word purpose just exhausts me. I’m so sick of trying to find my purpose. 

[00:01:15] I’m here with you. I got it. Makes perfect sense. But remember, we’re here to find Your Fierce & Loving. There is a purpose that you are uniquely here to make, a contribution of and for your life at this time in humanity, in history. It’s not like you’re here by accident or coincidence. That I know for sure. It is not like.. I just refuse to believe in some kind of.. I mean first of all, it is just sort of the source of all existential suffering. That we’re living in this random existence, and it’s not really going anywhere. And there’s no real big idea for yourself and your life. 

[00:01:57] So here’s what I would say. Probably if you’re listening, that’s not you because that’s not really my vibe. I know in every cell of my being that there is a reason that you are here for, and it’s not some kind of destined reason. I do not believe that there is some future already planned and you just got to find it. No. You are a creative being. You are here to co create in this reality what you desire, what you long for, who you’re here to be. And there is no magic fairy. Just like we said previously, no knight in shining armor coming to save you or to tap you on the shoulder and you know, drop something in your lap. You’re here to create the life you desire, and let’s get busy doing that. 

[00:02:53] So here, here’s what I spent years doing. I spent years looking at every other human being, thinking that they had figured out something. And I basically spent for sure, like I said, a decade, perhaps longer, thinking everybody else must have some secret to life. And I just need to figure out what that is because I cannot with this anymore. Why does everybody else know what they’re here to do? So let me give you a couple of examples. The primary examples I had were my dad, who was an entrepreneur. He was very clear, very young, that he didn’t want to work for someone else. He just knew he had seen his father be a lawyer and a circuit court judge. He had seen his dad, you know, sort of grind it out inside of this machine. And he didn’t want that. He didn’t want the.. He just didn’t want someone else telling him how his day was going to go. So I think very early he got clear he wanted to be an entrepreneur. And then he spent a lot of years sort of tending to his mind and digging in on his soul to make sure that he could be effective as an entrepreneur. You know, if you’re an entrepreneur, you understand that in order to be your most magical, extraordinary, brilliant self, you got to keep your mind right. And you got to keep your soul free. Now, look, there are plenty of entrepreneurs that aren’t doing either of those things, so they clearly are not requirements to success in our sort of capitalist measuring stick. But when I talk about success, I’m talking about like you’re happy, you’re joyous, you’re free, and you got money in the bank. Like if you have a bunch of money in the bank, but you’re not happy, joyous and free, you got nothing. So when we talk about success in this space, when we imagine you finding your fierce and loving, it needs to be an integrated and embodied existence. There’s got to be an experience of harmony and balance, not comfort. Those are different things. 

[00:05:09] You can have an experience of harmony and balance and aliveness and on fire and joy and freedom and passion, and you can roll through discomfort. That is just the nature of life. There will be moments where we are uncomfortable and consider that that actually is in service of your becoming, your expansion. 

[00:05:31] So I had the model of my dad, who was an entrepreneur and was really committed to his mindset. You know like Dale Carnegie or I don’t know. Some of you may remember those guys. Who are some of the others? You know, he just really was sort of a sales guy, and he had to keep his mind right. And he was really committed to that. You know, when I was a little girl, I would say “I’m hungry,” and he would say, “Well, hello, hungry. Nice to meet you. I’m Pat.” And pretty early on, he sort of trained me to get clear on who I am as being distinct from what I’m feeling. If I think that who I am is conditional based on circumstances and conditions, I’m going to be in a forever trap, in a loop where the sort of source of my good is outside of me. And you and I are here for a much bigger game than that. So great for us to bring attention to. 

[00:06:28] So I had a great example in my dad. He was a powerful entrepreneur that just.. Look, loads of people who made lots more money than him. But what I will say about that man is he has prioritized his happiness and his joy. He also got really clear on what his values were. You know, like the guys who he was living among as fellow fathers and husbands.. Lots of golfing going on there. That wasn’t the life he wanted. He really valued being with his family, with his kids, you know, playing with us, being with us. And so he picked a career creation and a path for entrepreneurship that was aligned with his values. He wanted freedom. He wanted flexibility. He wanted a sense of contribution. He wanted to make a difference. And so he started an executive search firm. You know, he basically helps people live into their purpose in his own unique way. So I had that as a powerful example. 

[00:07:31] My mom stayed home with us and then when my parents got divorced and all of a sudden her reality changed and she had to consider different income needs, she started to imagine what she wanted to do. She was really into the healing arts. I grew up with things like Reiki and Feldenkrais and homoeopathy and all. I mean we were always like cutting the cords to your agreements. And we always had some practitioner in our house doing like rainbow treatments over your chakras. And that was just like very normal. You know, this was in the eighties. My mom was driving like several towns over to get spelt bread long before anyone knew of Ezekiel. Do you see what I’m saying? Like, she was just always pressing the limits and going beyond the norms and so grateful for that. So grateful for that. She came by that very honestly. She was raised by two parents that were always up to weird stuff. And I really think that that has contributed to my great sense of freedom. I have had examples in my life of people going beyond the constraints of society and the normal cultural agreements. 

[00:08:58] Here’s the thing, if you do not have that, if you have not had that, you do now, because you’re hearing it in this moment on this podcast. If your parents were deeply entrenched in like systems and structures that felt suppressive and oppressive to you, that’s all right. That’s all right. Because your past does not have to create your future. That’s up to you. So you are this co-creative presence that is always able to form and mold and create the reality that you desire. 

[00:09:33] So here we are. We’re talking about you, your purpose as your protest. Your purpose is your protest. You and I have been largely educated, conditioned, to check the boxes or make the sausage, but that may not be what brings you alive. And as Howard Thurman has said, what the world needs more than ever is people. The world needs people that come alive. 

[00:10:07] So my mom was a powerful example. She was, I think, and she must have been in her late 40s, she went to the Chicago School of Massage Therapy and became a licensed massage therapist and like really, you know, went from sort of this professional volunteer career in Hospice, which, you know, she was a stay at home mom, but she was always active and engaged in service and in contribution. She really believed in the power of hospice. So, you know, the art of bereavement, of dying, of grieving. She had witnessed and sat alongside her brother who died of AIDS, her best friend who died of cancer. And so she knew the importance of transition and of attentive and loving transition. So she and my dad got divorced, and she went to massage therapy school and then parlayed her volunteer career and her experience in the healing arts into a career in hospice. 

[00:11:14] So here I’ve had these examples of people living on purpose, being really, I would say, like unapologetic about who they’re here to be. Ok, great. So all of that is happening. I’m you know, now I’m 18 and pregnant. I had imagined I was going to be this singer traveling the world, you know. I mean, I had convinced my math teacher in high school that I would have no need for this silly mathematics. I mean, that is really clearly not what I’m on the planet for and somehow I managed to get my way out of that. So I was going to be a singer. But guess what? I got pregnant, and my life took a very different direction. And all of a sudden the thing that I thought I was giving my life to no longer seemed like a very practical idea. 

[00:12:08] So just check. In this now moment, was there a dream or an intention or a purpose that you imagined as a little person that got disrupted, that got taken off track because of, you know, changes in your life? Some that may have been of your own creation and some that you never could have anticipated. If you have had that experience, welcome to being human. Here’s what I know. The things that brought you alive as a little kid, those are like clues. Those really are crumbs to returning back to what it is you want to contribute on the planet. 

[00:12:55] My brother was a personal trainer and massage therapist. I mean, like really early on. He was sort of a gym rat in high school, and it brought him so much joy. He did not excel in sort of traditional educational frameworks, and he was enamored by the body. And so, you know, here I am now. Remember, fast forward, I was supposed to be a singer. That didn’t go the way that I had imagined. Now I’m working in banking and I’m like, this is not what I’m here for. This is not what I’m on the planet for. And I’m watching my mom, my dad, and my brother so clearly be who they’re here to be, and it was frustrating. I was irritated. It was like.. I just felt like, why does everybody know what they’re here to do, and I have no idea? 

[00:13:54] But that wasn’t totally true. You know, I had so many different encounters where I was, like, nudged by the universe. Lola, pay attention, pay attention, pay attention. And I’d be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, I got it. But, you know, I have, you know, things that I’m responsible for. I have bills to pay. I have people to feed. Like all that dreamy, whimsical, purposeful stuff.. I don’t have time for that. Meanwhile, in the very next breath, I’d be like.. Oh, why can’t I figure out what I’m here for? Oh. 

[00:14:36] And then I met my husband. Also someone flipping living on purpose. How annoying is that? Another human being that had somehow crafted his life to be like authentically aligned. And he was, you know.. He had been a community organizer doing public art and decided to go back to school and get a Masters in Landscape Architecture. And so when I first met him, honestly, the very sight of him just irritated me. I just felt like, here’s this guy, like, oh, how nice for him.. Just doing a Masters in Landscape Architecture. Just putting on his backpack and skipping off to grad school while I am suffering with the responsibilities of two small children and working at the bank. I mean, it really is absurd to know me now and to see, to look back on all of the dramas that I created for myself. I mean, here’s the good news. I’ll say like I did a lot of the work for you. You really don’t have to make your life as hard as I did. I for, you know, some kind of soul’s appointment, went through like a gazillion dramas, and they were rich learning. I learned so much. But gosh, did I delay my joy. I delayed my joy. And you don’t have to delay your joy. 

[00:16:06] So level setting here. There is a big idea of and for your life. There is a unique and holy purpose that only you can bring forward. The crumbs, the clues, the cues to know what that is, is to pay attention to your aliveness. When you are moving about the planet, what causes your energy to go up? What causes your energy to go down? And what causes your energy to stay the same? If we listen to this exercise from a simplistic perspective, you will actually only indulge your neurotic patterns. So let me be clear. That is not what I’m talking about. There are plenty of things that I have done over the course of my career that have gotten me to this point that were not all like rainbows and unicorns and fairy dust. So I’m not suggesting that you have to like, you know, enjoy every moment, but pay attention. What is it that you want to do? As we have been sort of imagining this next expression of my work in the world, I’m being rigorous around designing it in a way that brings me joy. 

[00:17:18] So I want you to pay attention. If you do not believe that joy and freedom and power and creativity and aliveness are available for you, then stop right now. We have to get that established first. Is it possible that you could have a life that is profoundly inspiring, first and foremost to you and then is a kind of demonstration for people in your world around what they may have? 

[00:17:54] My dad, my mom, my brother, and my husband were powerful examples in my own consciousness for a life that I could construct. And here’s the thing, my purpose is going to look very different than your purpose. When I look back over the course of my life, I was always an agitator. I was always asking the thing that no one else wanted to ask. I was always a kind of provocateur, and it felt like a liability for a lot of years. It felt like, why am I such a pain in the ass? Why? Why do I always have to ask the question that, you know, it’s like burning in me, and I couldn’t help myself? And it felt very inconvenient for a long time. But oh my goodness, I have refined that holy gift. And it is now a great contribution on the planet. I am one that provokes deeper thought, greater listening, expanded sense of self. So what seemed like a liability at one time has been developed, cultivated, refined into a great gift. And I know that that’s true for you, too. So there’s some way of being that you have that is just calling for refinement, calling for growth and expansion and development. And it is a unique flavor you bring to the human experience. 

[00:19:29] You want to be more alive. You want to unleash your inherent love and goodness, liberate yourself and free humanity from the oppressive systems and structures we have created. We are here to support you in finding your fierce and loving life. Join us in Our Circle. This is an affirming and radical space that will gather weekly on demand or live, whatever works best for your life. For more information on how you can engage in Our Circle, visit lolawright.com/our-circle. I’d love to have you with us. 

[00:20:13] So I want to sort of like untangle the idea that your purpose is a job title. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Your purpose is not job title. Your purpose is whatever it is that brings you alive, and you get to design your life in a way that works for you. If something is not working for you, then begin to get really curious and creative around how you can design it differently. I am an exquisite creator of solutions without money because I was committed to living a life that I desire long before I had a bank balance commensurate with the life I desire. 

[00:20:58] You know, I’ll never forget many years ago. Nathan and I have these friends who live in a very different socioeconomic experience than we do. They have resources well beyond what we have. And I remember them giving us a tour of their house when we first became friends, and they had a coffee maker on the second floor of their house. I thought that was amazing. And they had this yoga room where there was a literal wall that they had shipped from Tibet. I mean, that was like very different than the life I was living. At the time, my husband’s office was like basically sort of squeezed between the washing machine and the dryer in a dark and dank basement with cobwebs. And oh my goodness, that man was just always so generous and gracious and smiling with his head down, just building his business. So this coffee maker and this yoga mat in this sort of side studio of their bedroom was inspiring for me. If I had looked at that and said, I’m never going to be able to have what they have, It’s not fair, I’m never going to have a house this beautiful, I’m never going to have.. Forget about it. If you can see it, you can have it. And it may not look the way that theirs looks. Your life, Your Fierce & Loving, your holy purpose is going to look distinct and unique. 

[00:22:46] You know, scripturally.. One of my friends and teachers and the brilliant Mark Anthony Lord did a talk on this years ago. And he referenced this scripture and it says, “In my father’s house, there are many mansions.” Now, as you know, I do not take a literal interpretation of any sacred scripture. I believe that sacred scriptures of all ancient wisdom traditions are here to be metaphors. They are here to be kind of fables, nudges. And, you know, we could look at all of our ancient wisdom texts and many of them have shared threads. So it’s really about the human experience. But this scripture “In my father’s house, there are many mansions” metaphorically, metaphysically means that the idea of what is luxurious, beautiful, aligned, on fire, on purpose for one is going to be distinct from another. There is a mansion for every being in this reality. Those mansions aren’t going to all look the same. You know like, you may want a two million dollar house with five bedrooms and five bathrooms. I may be happy with my American Four-Square in you know, the scale that I have it in. 

[00:24:14] This is a metaphor for your life. What brings you alive, where you find Your Fierce & Loving, is going to be different from me. So your purpose as your protest is an important context. Your purpose is likely not what you were encouraged to do. You know like, if you’re an artist, you may have been raised in a paradigm where people told you that’s not realistic.. You’re not going to be able to pay your bills like that. That’s absurd. How are you ever going to meet a partner or have kids being an artist? You may have the most genius invention next. And all kinds of voices will tell you how impossible that is. You may have a vision for your family to transform the old hurt, the wounds, the resentment, the unforgiveness. You may have a purpose of healing your family system. 

[00:25:23] The shared purpose that we each have in common is to live a life alive. You want to be more alive. You do. We all do. There is a kind of divine nudge that lives in us that is not you just being lusty. I know the lusty one in me, but there’s also one in me that is led by the spirit of life within me, this sort of divine discontent. When you untangle from the limitations and the confines of the status quo, when you liberate yourself from a sense of making the sausage, when you begin to tap into your creativity and your imagination, something else becomes available. 

[00:26:21] So here’s what I want you to consider this coming week as you sit with this conversation. What is it that I used to dream about doing that at some point in my life I laid down because it was impractical? 

[00:26:41] I’m not saying that you’re supposed to now be an NBA star at the age of 55 with like an extra 40 pounds on. That might not be your purpose. But there was something in you as a young person that ignited you, that excited you, that had you get up in the morning and say, I’m going after that. See this experience, at this time on the planet, there is so much seduction and temptation for you to settle. Settle for a political candidate. Settle for a good job. Settle for just enough. Settle, and I mean, I can feel my body and my voice just settle, settle, settle. 

[00:27:38] I am not saying that you should not have deep acceptance of life exactly as it is. The great paradox in the lived experience is that as you accept life exactly as it is and as it is not, something more, something new is possible. And that is very different. Acceptance is very different than settling. So your purpose is your protest. If you don’t know what your purpose is, I implore you to get curious. Not like some lusty, scared teenager that’s just like.. has to get it. No, I’m saying, like, you’re a mature being. You have the capacity to sit still and listen to the wisdom of your inner self and get related to, connected with. 

[00:28:43] After I got off my like, you know, sort of soapbox, my sorry sack self around how everyone had created a life that they desire except for me, I could begin to channel that energy into what I knew. I love to be on stage. I love a microphone. I have had like many examples of that over the course of my life. From the time I was a little girl, I would dress up and do performances for my family all the time, and I have an insatiable commitment to call forward the truth. So, wow, Lola, you’re probably not here to do banking. Nothing wrong with banking, you’re probably here to marry the things that bring you alive.. A microphone, a stage, music, dance movement, and truth. So Lola Wright, what would that look like if you were to fuse all of that together? 

[00:29:45] And that’s what I ask you. Pay attention. There are themes in your life. There are things that you’re uniquely here to be and do. There is a way that you contribute your brilliance. It may be subtle. Pay attention to the subtleties. Ask your community for feedback. Go to the people in your world whom you trust, whom you love, who will be honest with you. What do you think is my brilliance? Where do you see me come alive? What do you most value in our relationship? How have I best contributed to you and your life? And if you get some feedback that you do not love and you do not appreciate, then that’s great to know. But you may also pay attention to who your audience is. Go to people who you value, who honor you and who you honor. 

[00:30:40] You are here to disrupt the status quo. Your purpose is your protest. A protest is not something that is just you standing on the front lines as an oppositional force. You have been trained to accept the status quo. You have been trained to just get your little lot in life and be satisfied. When you claim bigger space, when you say, I want all of that. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re actually honoring the internal nudge within you that says, I am here for something more. And you are. Your purpose is your protest. 

[00:31:27] Go ahead, participate in social movements. I do. You should. You should get real clear on what is needed to shift on the planet right now. There are plenty of examples of injustice. And, the best way that I know to disrupt the sleepy state of humanity is to have you get activated in your aliveness. You’re not here to suffer. You’re not here to play small. You’re not here to roll over. You’re not. You’re here to be a big, bad, bold on live version.. On live? Alive? Be on live and alive because you are here for all of it. And I want to see you in all your glory. And there will be those in your world that feel deeply uncomfortable with that. As you say yes to you, you will hear and see and get feedback on how too much that is. Can’t you just settle? Can’t you just be OK with what you have? Sure, I can be OK with what I have, and I’m here to live a big, great life. And, so are you. I don’t know what that looks like for you, but I bet you do. Be still. Listen. Pay attention. All of the wisdom that you need and want is right where you are. I trust that. 

[00:32:56] If you enjoyed this show and would like to receive new episodes as they’re published, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and consider leaving a review in Apple podcasts. Your reviews help others find this show. You can follow me @lolapwright on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter and learn more about my work at lolawright.com. This episode was produced by Dante32 with theme music from independent music producer Trey Royal. 

[00:33:40] What the world needs more than ever is people. The world needs, people that come alive.