Relationships Will Transform You—If You Let Them

When Nathan and I got together a long time mentor of mine said these words that have guided me for eighteen years, “intimacy is the final frontier”. That is my eternal reminder that relationships invite people in and require that I do my work. Relationships are often times where I find myself on the edge of my growth. Relationships are the great big mirror. They inform us on what is up for healing and forgiveness. We can learn where boundaries are needed and where they can often be lost or forgotten. The quality of our relationships can inform us as to how available we are to support.

Intimacy is the final frontier.
Jim Morningstar

Being in relationship with other human beings has been one of my greatest pathways to transformation. Every relationship we hold is shaping us. Some reflect our wholeness. Others challenge our patterns. All of them—at their best—are invitations to become more of who we truly are.

It Begins With You

You cannot expect others to treat you better than you treat yourself.

The most essential relationship of your life is the one you have with yourself. It is the foundation for every connection you will ever experience. The way you speak to yourself, advocate for yourself, and care for yourself sets the standard. When you are out of right relationship with yourself, you will either collapse your needs to please others or overcorrect in an attempt to protect yourself. Neither creates the deep, nourishing connection we long for.

So the invitation is simple—but not easy: Fall madly in love with yourself. Source your own security, approval, and control. Let your inner relationship become a space of tenderness, discipline, and trust.

When you can honor your own boundaries, you can hold boundaries with others. When you can meet your own needs, you stop asking others to rescue you. And when you live in integrity with yourself, your relationships become more honest, more energizing, and more reciprocal.

Not All Relationships Are Created Equal

Different people will play different roles in your life. Clarity about those roles is a gift—for you and for them.

Let’s begin with your inner circle, and a moment of truth: you do not have infinite capacity for deep connection. There are more than 8 billion people on the planet—find your 10 and love them hard.

My closest inner circle includes my husband, my children, my mother, my brother and his family, and two aunts.

I have a small circle of girlfriends. These women are a lifeline. They remind me of who I am, outside of my roles as a leader, a wife, or a mother. I recently brought two of my kids to a friend’s family party. Watching them observe me with my friends—animated, alive, self-expressed—was illuminating for all of us.

These relationships matter. They bring me back to life.

Work relationships count, too. In many ways, they reveal just as much about our patterns, values, and leadership as our closest personal ties. A Gallup poll in 2024 found that only 32% of American employees are fully engaged in their work. About 50% are passively along for the ride. And 16% are actively disengaged—meaning they are taking deliberate actions that erode the culture and diminish the collective.

You cannot afford to be in the dark about the people you work with.

If you are not in relationship with your team, how will you know who is really aligned with what you are here to create? Even if someone is just there for the paycheck, you deserve to know what motivates them. That honesty, that attunement, is what allows you to build a team rooted in integrity and excellence.

Personally, I want to work with A players—people who show up engaged, energized, and committed. But to call those people forward, you must first be in honest relationship with them. In my experience, finding those people takes time and involves significant clarity on what you’re willing to accept and where your boundaries can be found.

Tuning Into Relationships with Intention

Whether it is a colleague or a confidante, I am constantly taking inventory of the relationships in my life. Attuning those relationships to what I want them to be is an ongoing practice.

Just like a piano, your relationships will always play. But if they are out of tune, the resonance will be off. You will feel it—in your body, in your gut, in your nervous system.

Attunement is the act of noticing. Of asking questions. Of listening for the subtle shifts in tone, connection, and trust. It is the practice of caring enough to check in.

And the final key: reciprocity.

You deserve relationships where your care is met with care. Where your investment is returned. Where your excellence is honored.

If you are giving and giving and it is not being met—in energy, presence, or action—it is time to pause. It may even be time to move on. To let go.

This is not about perfection. This is about integrity.

One of the most powerful practices I have used in both personal and professional domains is what I call a Relationship Audit. It is simple, and it will change your life. Make a list of the core relationships in your life:

• Inner circle
• Family
• Friends
• Colleagues
• Clients

Sit quietly with each name. Bring that person to mind. Ask yourself: When I think about this relationship, does my energy go up, down, or stay the same? Pay attention to your body. Trust the signal.

If your energy goes up, that is a green light. If your energy stays the same, that is neutral. If your energy goes down, it is time to get curious:

• Why am I still investing in this relationship?
• What is the payoff?
• What is the cost?

Relationships rooted in obligation, guilt, or unspoken resentment rarely produce healing, growth, or fulfillment. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is drop it. Or at the very least, do it differently.

The Gateway to Transformation

You deserve to be in relationships that call you forward, that honor your becoming, and that reciprocate your love, your time, and your truth.

The most nourishing relationships always begin with how you relate to you.

Audit your relationships. Attune to what is real. Love your people—and yourself—with devotion.

That is the real work. That is the sacred opportunity. That is the pathway to transformation.